The Doting Father Wound.

THE STORY TODAY

You feel people expect a certain kind of version of you and a pressure to keep up a good show.

For your friends you’re ‘this’ kind of person, your colleagues you’re ‘that’ kind of person and you’re someone else for your family, too.

This shapeshifting has left you feeling disconnected from yourself and others.

It’s almost like there’s an invisible barrier between yourself and others, no matter how much you care about them. You wonder if anyone knows the real you.

You don’t ask to be seen as the golden girl or boy, but you wonder if people knew the real you, you would be too much for them to handle.

The reason this is playing out is because of you have the Doting Father Wound.

In the un-fairy tale of your fathering, your dad was a sort of King Charming.

Your father's adoration has shaped your relationship with authenticity and vulnerability, leaving you cautious about opening up to others and create trusting, soul-nourishing relationships.

Perhaps your story started like this?

Your father was eager to praise you and the first to bat away any criticism, it was like you could do no wrong.

You felt like you became an object he admired rather than a person to be listened to and understood.

What you gained in admiration you lost in emotional muscle tone because you were never given the chance to learn how to handle constructive feedback when it was sincerely offered.

Part of you wondered if you needed to be perfect to earn people’s love, but you never dared test the contract or break that trance.

You needed more than admiration, you needed guidance, for someone to look at the details of you and love you for your grit and texture, too.

Are these early scenes still shaping your story?

Then it’s time to rewrite your narrative so every chapter hereafter is one where you…

Let yourself be messy

Because now you allow yourself to make mistakes, whether that’s forgetting a birthday, turning up late or missing a deadline – you’re accepted by the people that matter most.

Speak your mind beautifully

Now you share your opinion without worrying about being judged, rejected or found out. It all flows without caution or mental cramping.

Connect meaningfully

You soak into long, soulful conversations with friends who fill you up and check in on you when you go quiet.

Answer honestly

Now that you have peeled back the mask, you give a reduced-filter reply when someone asks you how you are. You no longer have to pretend.

Are adequately full of yourself

There is no doubt now, you actually believe people when they compliment you.

Receive in the right way

Have a solid base of good people to turn to when life gets crunchy and you need to moan, yell, cry, shout, stamp, scream or hug it out.

Before you roll your eyes and think this is the stuff of fairy tales, I want you to know that after working as a psychotherapist for more than a decade, I know this is entirely possible.

The first step?

To learn how to identify your needs; to listen carefully to yourself and pay deliberate attention to the microscopic details of you.

Only by listening this closely will you be able to acknowledge your needs and take steps to express and meet them.

It is a dual healing that asks you to connect your inner child, your vulnerable self and with your inner father; your capable self.

With these two aspects in tandem, you begin to rewrite the story.

AUTHENTICITY PRACTICE

  1. Affirmation: speaking your truth takes practice and self-coaching, to help with this repeat the following affirmation and notice how your body responds each time: 'I speak my truth more than I hide my truth.’

  2. Journal prompt: as a daily journaling practice, write your answer to this question: 'What would I say to [insert name] if I knew there were no consequences?'. Use this prompt whenever you find it difficult to tune into your inner truth.

What next?

Head over to @jennifercawleytherapy and let me know how you got on with the practice and how you resonate with your results.

If you’ve shared your email address with me, I’ll be back in your inbox in the coming days with more personalised insights and practices to support you in rewriting your Doting Father Wound story to one with a much happier ending.